Facebook doesn't kill privacy, people do...

I have a friend (to protect his privacy I won’t use his name) who is pretty cool, very smart but is a hater of social media. It isn’t because he doesn’t understand the technology, he’s kind of a nerd like the rest of us. It’s more that he’s concerned with privacy and with people he doesn’t know having access to personal aspects of his life which he’d rather not share. We’ve had many debates about this – I think he’s way, way wrong. Over the last few months I’ve gotten to be pretty tight with a friend of his and we’ve started ganging up on him. We both see a huge value in social networking for our personal and professional lives. Two nights ago I received a text which sent me crashing to the floor. The text was from my friend, he said he set up a Twitter account.

The subject of Facebook came up again. He read articles about the Terms of Service issues Facebook has had this week. If you haven’t been following this closely and if you don’t have a general understanding of Terms of Service and public domain it looks like Facebook announced earlier this week that they could use your information willy-nilly, even when you close your account. I read Mark Zuckerberg’s blog post and I get it. Basically once you post something and share it, regardless of the method you use to share it, it is no longer in your control. It may be something you “own” but you have let the cat out of the bag. It’s similar to email - once you send someone an email it is in their control, not yours anymore. I don’t think what Facebook is doing is all that bad.

One thing I think non-Facebookers don’t realize is you can make everything…everything private. Matt Cohen blogged about Facebook and Real Estate recently. Being who Matt is, his focus was security. All of my information, including photos, are viewable *only* by my friends. When I was discussing this with my friend I pointed out his other friends do not take such precautions. When I log in occasionally there's a message that another mutual friend has been tagged in a photo. Then...low and behold, there's a picture of my friend, complete with his name and comments about him. That's a bit weird for me, it makes me uncomfortable seeing pictures of someone who I know does not agree with the medium. So the friend of a friend of a friend has Privacy Settings where pictures can be viewed by Friends of Friends or My Friends and My Networks which means his privacy has already been compromised without his permission.

I totally understand these concerns, I have the same ones - specifically because I have pictures of my daughters on Facebook. I don't want any freaky crazy to see those. I’ve been contacted by two people recently who I’d prefer know absolutely nothing about my life. Thankfully, my Privacy Settings are such that they can see only minimal information about me. When I received the Friend Requests I simply clicked Ignore and moved on.

In this day and age people are talking about "transparency" and communication. Not only is that the buzz within the gov't but also in industry, particularly real estate. It isn't okay to simply develop a relationship over the phone or email, people don't want that anymore. They want to "feel" you, feel as if they know you. I believe there is a very delicate balance between professional and personal. It's cool to me that technology is changing our society and enabling us to be connected.

I've gotten some great opportunities for work because people can see some aspects of me they wouldn't see just in an email or over the phone. I'm more approachable and more interesting. I’ve gotten closer to people with whom I’ve had a distant professional relationship for years. Several people I know now see me as a mother who has fun with her kids, gets frustrated, doesn't mind posting ugly/dorky pictures of herself. I'm different to them now. One woman in particular who I have known for more than 5 years comes to mind. We had a fine working relationship but didn’t know anything about each other even though we spoke often. Because of Facebook I now know she has a similar life situation to mine, we’ve spoken (via Facebook messages) several times. I think we’ve both gotten something from it.

Facebook keeps me up on what’s happening with my colleagues. It’s another means to find out what events are coming up, who is speaking, what people are working on. Anyone on Facebook or Twitter knows I’ve been trying to write some non-technical technical VOW stuff lately. Facebook told me Amy Geddes is working on a VOW presentation. Amy and I spoke last week about it, she helped me with my work. I wouldn’t have known Amy was doing that without Facebook. Facebook also told me Amy knows how to make apple pie. Since I’ll be at the Clareity MLS Workshop in two weeks and because I love Amy dearly (and Amy knows I can be a horrible whiner) I begged Amy to make another, in exchange for my Chipotle Brownies (of which Amy because aware due to Facebook).

And for the personal stuff - I never talk to my real life friends on the phone. We just aren’t that way. My BFF, Marina, lives 10 minutes from me, she works in the complex where my younger daughter goes to pre-school. My older daughter is in the same elementary school with her daughter and they are BFFs. Her husband is my very good friend. I love her 3 children as if they were my own but I do not ever, ever speak to her. Ever. I know what’s going on in her life, how her kids are. Her son got a new haircut and the baby now has 5 teeth. I got this from Facebook. I also saw the pictures of all of us from New Year’s Eve, the ones I’d never see if there wasn’t a Facebook. I've gotten close to another very good friend of Marina's, Melissa, who lives in Philly. We've only met a handful of times but we're pretty close. She may drive down for the weekend when I go to DC for the RETS meeting in April. I've gotten very close with the wife of a former co-worker with whom I have been friends for more than 10 years. His wife, not he, invited me to a party in MD this weekend (Sorry Melissa - I really can't make it).

There are aspects of my personal life which I am not willing to share on Twitter or Facebook. Some things are very private to me but, for the most part, I enjoy sharing the things that make me happy, frustrated, excited. Someone else usually has a comment to lift my spirits, make me laugh or tell me to quit complaining. It’s a fun way to stay connected and to allow people to see a different side of me and to see a different side of them.

Back to my friend and his privacy issues. I told him privacy can be up to him, he decides what to put up, what to share and with whom to share it. That said, his concern should be more with his friends and his friend's friends than with his own behavior. Facebook doesn’t kill privacy, people do.